What is an End of Life Doula (Death Doula)?

Greetings Essential Energies Community,

I want to share with you my experience in becoming an End-of-Life Caregiver. (Death Doula) I would like to say I chose the title, but the truth is it was handed to me by fate. From 2018 through 2020. I experienced ten deaths, mainly immediate family, my mother Mae, my brother Jr, my sisters Carolyn and Wanda, and my best first cousin Vonda, just to name a few. Adding to the grief, my three dogs Tone, Maya and Mazy, and two cats Alley and Luna also died. All within this two-year period. I walked in a daily fog of grief. I questioned my own existence, my spiritual beliefs, and the true purpose of my life. This experience caused loss of faith in our medical system. Slowly, it dwindled as I witnessed the medical care given to my brother. I also lost total trust in our funeral systems when I realized my mother had paid 25 years on a death plan that did not reimburse funds for things not needed at her service. The funeral home suggested we purchase pens, memory books, jewelry, and other tidbits to allocate for the funds. Just about everything I had believed in regarding the way we take care of the sick and dying came under scrutiny. 

Even the way we discuss dying is bizarre. Most people being faced with their own mortality, had no idea what to say to me, so they just avoided me. It was as if death were contagious. Well, I hate to share this with you, my friends, but it is contagious because you also will die! So, I ask how do you want to do it? How do you want to exit this realm? Do you want your sternum and ribs broken at ninety years old because your loved ones can’t find your DNR? Do you want to be deemed septic and quarantined from loved ones to die alone in a cold, dark hospital room? Do you want tubes placed in every orifice of your body? Graphic! I know, but true!

As I walked through this Dark Day of the Soul, it came to my realization how distorted it all seemed. How unnatural and uncaring the death process can be. I knew there had to be a better way to die! This knowing led me to begin my research on other paths, which led me to become a Death Doula Instructor. At this point, I could write a three-page paper on my research; however, I would rather share with you my experience, strength, and hope. My experience is stated above that navigating death in the system can be harsh. My strength came from my faith in the God of my understanding, and my hope is that we can accept the fact that death can be done differently. That standard hospital care and standard funerals are not the only options. Doing death care differently helps the dying, their families, and the caregivers who support them participate in a dying process that can be personal, graceful, and made with minimal regrets. Though it's best to preplan before a crisis. Not all have this option. So, when going through a period of illness or receiving a terminal diagnosis, a Death Doula’s service can help navigate through the chaos.

A doula is an end-of-life guide…someone who accompanies the dying person, family, and friends through a personal and meaningful transition. This could include navigating the medical system, making sure the dying person's spiritual wishes, traditions, and rituals are considered. It also could simply mean being present to help uncover fears and phobias or provide comfort touch (palliative massage) to the individual. Every death is different based on personal wishes. Death Doulas are trained to provide loving care, inspired support, and education on matters of post death arrangements, pre-funeral/vigil planning, and non-traditional methods of dying. By being an objective advocate, they can advise and provide support through the final stages of decision-making, helping to ease the grief and stress of loved ones. 

So, if you or someone you know has the willingness to become a Death Doula if you feel called or fated to assist the dying in their rite of passage, then I assure you my upcoming certification course will provide you with the insight, wisdom, and skill to offer a true agape experience to the dying.  

This course is offered once a year and requires a commitment to three Sundays from 1:30 pm to 5:30 pm. It provides 12 hours of in-class training, a manual, a journal, handouts, a book, and certification. The cost to the requester is $75.00 nonrefundable deposit to hold your spot and print the manual. $250.00 for the first class this year's dates are April 12th, May 3rd, and May 24th. For more info, please find the event below!